Under a Spell

I now officially declare that I have all the time in the world, at least for the next few more days. Effective until November 11 of this weird year of 2009.

Blogging and I are back in each other's arms. I miss how I would write even the smallest details of how my day went a couple years back. Now, I'm lucky enough to post something here mostly complaining of how tough school is and how it has taken over my life.

After months of being busy, well, I will still be busy this coming semester, I'm taking this opportunity to write my heart out just for the sake of it. I've been watching movies online and so far I've finished Jennifer's Body which I find very amusing and 500 days of Summer which I find okay. I was expecting a bit more "kilig" factor in the movie but the film made me realize a lot of things and these realizations goes something like this:

I'm wondering why am I under this stupid spell of yours and I can't seem to get over you. How stupid and lame can I get? Things have become complicated and I no longer intend to make things more messy than it already is.

What have I gotten myself into? Am I under a spell that needs a reverse potion or a chant to make it wear off? For the past few months, I've been saying things to myself contrary to what I feel. But at the end of the day, is everything worth it? At the end of the day, what do I get? Do I win? Or do I go home empty handed?

I guess my realizations were more of questions rather than statements. This sucks. I totally forgot my beliefs. It's funny how this kind of feeling often get people like me to even allot time to write or even care about it. One thing I've learned, people can't always be happy, that's for sure. Maybe that's how things are supposed to be. Life ain't complete without heartaches and pain.

I just hope sooner or later (sooner would be better though), this spell wears off so I can go on without the heavy feeling inside of me and I can go and find my "Autumn" like Tom in the movie 500 Days of Summer.

***

I'd be going to Batangas tomorrow with my sister and her family. Finally, an escape from all this city's misery. Hopefully when I come back, I will have interesting stories to tell.

The Journey

Before I read about indirect aggression and Disney stuff for our thesis, let me tell you a story of a girl who can't seem to let go of her journey.

It all started a couple years ago, she thought this other guy was the one, but it turned out to be one big lie. So as she was contemplating and moving forward, this boy came along, a former high school classmate. This girl and this boy became close, closer than what seems to be normal high school classmates. The boy was serious, but apparently the girl thought she was being mislead to think of something else and that the feeling was not real. So the girl's mind won over her heart and slowly drifted away. The boy felt he was being thrown away, so he did not do anything to save the feelings he had for her. He went his own way and managed to find another girl that would fill in the feelings that he wanted to come from the girl.

With just barely a month or so, he and this other girl were seriously dating each other. But what the boy didn't know that the girl was waiting for him to make a move, that she was waiting for him to prove his love for her. But the girl kept waiting and the boy did not come to fill her expectations.

One day she stumbled upon a picture of the boy and the other girl, happy together. It broke her heart. The girl tried to move on but apparently, their feelings for each other never managed to move forward. There are still things unresolved, issues to be talked about and feelings to be explained. For months, the boy's feelings for the girl has always been there. If only the boy knew how the girl loves him, yes it was love already. It took awhile before the girl realized that her love for the boy has always been there all along. But it's too late now. The boy already had this other girl, apparently he loves this other girl.

I guess, the boy and the girl's story is still not over. Just a week ago, the girl finally tore her journey paper, which she wrote for Literature class, into pieces. This journey paper was written January of this year and ever since she got that paper back, she kept a promise to bring it everywhere she went. The journey paper was always present inside her bag, just waiting and hoping that one day she can gather up the courage to throw it away, the same way Dante let go of his beloved Beatrice.

Finally, after 10 months, the girl finally had the guts to tear her paper into pieces. But a day after she tore her journey paper, there he was, the boy whom the girl dedicated her journey paper , present at their high school simple get together. Oh the irony of circumstances. This must be fate.

A friend told the girl how the boy still has the same feelings for the girl, but he is still with this other girl. The girl thought the journey was over, but apparently, that day was just another chapter of her journey for him.

***

The journey can never be over unless both of them decides to drop everything they've said and felt for each other. But what the girl should realize is the fact that the boy already has this other girl and she must not get in their way for she will just make things more complicated. The only thing she can and must do, is to give way and let the boy and other girl be happy for it is the right thing to do.

But right now, the girl cannot let go of her journey for the journey will never be over, for now.

Live like everyday's the last

I just viewed the tribute video for the deceased Japs Umali, a CA graduate of batch 2009.

I don't know her personally but I know I've seen her along the corridors of AB. I don't know, pero nung pinanood ko yung tribute ng CA2 '09, naiyak ako. Time surely knows how to get the best of you. Most people would think Life is unfair. Ramdam ko marami pa siyang gustong gawin sa buhay. She's just 21, young and jampacked with dreams. But seeing all her pictures, it felt like she lived life to the fullest. All her pictures were super happy, not a trace of a single drop of sadness.

I just realized that I should do the same. Live life like everyday's your last. Kasi hindi natin alam kung kailan niya tayo kukunin. Kaya starting today, I'm willing to take chances, may it be on life, on friendship and maybe on love? Hindi na ko magiging KJ or whatsoever. Do what you gotta do. Kasi minsan lang dumarating sa buhay ng tao ang bawat pagkakataon. Strike while the iron is hot, ika nga ng Orange and Lemons. I will thank God every waking day that I am alive and kicking and will always bear in mind that I have wonderful people around me. I love you ebribadi!

To Ms. Umali, I hope you're happy in heaven. =) You're an inspiration. :)

Sembreak Foshizzles

My ultimate freedom, my last chance for vacation for starting next year, no more summer for me. I’m already sensing the sweet smell of graduation, though I still can’t believe I’m on the last year of college. This is truly it.

Things have been doing good, the super and mega BEST news ever is we finally won an award. And it’s just not like any other award, it’s the sweet victory of winning for the annual and highlight of the first semester of every CA senior’s life (or maybe just to those who care), the Integrated Marketing Communications Quest 2009. Words cannot express how I felt when our agency name was called as Agency of the Year, of course along with two awards, Best in Advertising and Best in PR/Events. Plus the two best speakers belong to our agency, Chai and John. Kuddos! We were really aiming for the win. Praying meant a lot to us. And indeed, God answered all our prayers (persistent prayers). It was this class activity that I really felt bonded and connected with my 2-year block mates. Emo much?

But really. I’m super grateful to have them as my classmates. At first, I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into, volunteering to be one of the presenters for our class. I thought at first, that this should be easy. Haha. But it’s not. On the day itself, I felt so anxious and all that crappy feeling. But thank God I survived and even complemented by one of the judges that I can be fit to be a DJ with my pretentious “slang” accent. Haha! It didn’t really occurred to me that I was speaking like that.

Is it just me or am I reacting sooo late? Haha! A week has passed and here I am talking about IMC Quest. Sembreak. What joyous emotion you give to college students.

Part of my celebration for sembreak is staying up late playing games on Facebook and finishing Plants vs Zombies. How ironic. A few weeks ago I am ranting and wishing hard to be able to at least have a five-hour sleep during my regular school day, but school works hindered me to do so. And now that I have all the time in the world to sleep, I’m not putting it to good use. Oh well, might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Lol.

I just snapped back to reality. CASA is still here. It feels like a semester has passed and I’ve made no mark to my fellow CASANS. It’s very frustrating you know. With all the suspensions and the problems that we’ve encountered, I feel so inefficient. I want to make this last semester a memorable one and I will do everything that I can to make this come to a reality.

Back to CASA notebook.

I promise myself to start organizing my stuff starting tomorrow. I will start getting my life and my responsibilities organized. I will start to become the efficient person that people expect me to be.

Hoho! It’s not about how many activities you make, it’s about the quality of activities that makes a mark to the students. I love my job. Haha!

Sige na, ako na ang walang organisasyon sa pagsusulat. Lol.

September 26, 2009 Firsts

For the past few weeks, I was complaining of how tired I am from school yadayada, and now I have one week off from it but it doesn’t feel right. I'm so not in the mood to finish acads right now, all I think about is how I can help my classmates and friends. Somehow, guilt is all over me. Third day away from school works is starting to bother me. Haven’t started anything yet though there is much to do. Haven’t moved a muscle to help and volunteer because my parents won’t allow me to. (Traumatized from what had happened last Saturday)

That’s why I am exerting all effort to post information in every social networking site I’m in. But I can’t help it. There’s this something inside pushing me to do something and take action for it. And tomorrow will be the day.

I realized how lucky we were last Saturday. We had enough food, shelter, we manage to borrow clean clothes from Julie and a nice comfy bed to lay our backs on. We even had the chance to use the internet and Facebook all the way before the lights went out. We had cellphones, mp3 players and digital slrs for our convenience.

I thought I had the worst day ever, because I had no choice but to walk across an above-the-knee-length flood together with the unwanted crawling insects and garbage floating everywhere. But I was wrong. When I went home the day after, I saw the aftermath of what Ondoy had left us. We were lucky enough that our house here in Novaliches was not affected by the flood. SOBRANG THANK YOU GOD. I hope everyone whose homes were devastated would be able to get up on their feet as soon as possible.

Basically, September 26 brought me a lot of firsts in my entire student life.

• First time to see the AB Building with water literally inside
• First time to witness how España and UST literally drown in flood
• First time to walk across eeky flood water above the knee (with roaches and centipedes)
• First time to get stranded on a classmate's dorm
• First time to forget to eat lunch because of the typhoon
• First time to ride a pedicab, oh wait let me rephrase that, first time to ride ON TOP of a pedicab in the middle of España where everyone can see you with a classmate

So many firsts on a crazy day and prolly a day that would go down in history.

I miss blogging, writing and being sensible.

Right now, I feel useless, senseless and restless. Okay, so rhyming sila. Ang fun pakinggan, right? But that's not my point. I want to revive my writing skills (that is if I have any) but how will I be able to do that if all these school crap is hindering me to do so? It feels weird to be this preoccupied at this point in my life. Graduating students should be taking things easy around this stage because we're almost near the finish line. But based from the looks of everyone's schedules, we are definitely NOT taking things lightly this semester. It feels like all the load in the world is on every senior CA student's backs. I want to go back to being the happy-go-lucky girl I was in high school. Yes, I was busy, but not THIS busy. Don't get me wrong, I do not regret all my responsibilities but sometimes it's killing me. Haha! I am only human, I do get tired, yah know.

I want things to get done, very soon.

Things that I should be worrying about (for eternity, or maybe just for the remaining months before graduation):
Thesis, IMC, Photography... just to name a few.
My CASA duties and my TOMCAT voluntariness.

Okay, so I'm left hanging there, once again. No more words left to write. *Hikab* Goodnight!

*So wala talagang sense, right? I will make bawi soon. So I can make salba the bangka of my blog. Hihi. Che. Tama na.*

What will you say if someone told you...

"All this time naghihintay lang ako for you..."