Basketball was super fun. I am officially one of the boys! Haha. Although our team lost, the hell with it. The important thing is that we ENJOYED the whole game despite the fact that we were under the scorching heat of the sun. I will update more soon. I'm super tired to type. Haha. :)

I spent half of my day yesterday sleeping hoping to forget the rough week I had to undergo. It feels good to have a goodnight sleep - without any worries of getting late for school, being uneasy that you've left out another crappy assignment or not studying for a stupid test. Life is good. Sana araw-araw ganito. Sleeping, temporarily gave me the chance to escape from all the problems and sad moments I had to face. In my dreams, everything was perfect, nothing to make me sad, nothing to make my brain and heart hurt and no moments of silence.

***

Today, I had the chance to get away from all the misery. Family truly makes a person happy. My whole family (well, not really, my brother is in Oman right now): my sister and her family, my mom and dad, my twin nephews and I went to Trinoma to watch Ratatouille. Well, my parents didn't watch because they had other plans. We had lunch at North Park and went around a little bit before entering the cinema. Somehow, the feeling of comfort and happiness that I haven't felt in such awhile was made possible when I was with my family. Though they don't really know what my problem was, it was enough that their presence and company revitalized my twinging heart.

***

I just remembered that I have to do tons of school work. Damn. Di sila papasok, tapos tatambakan na naman kame ng pasanin sa buhay! Plus, CWTS gave out loads of works and another test next Sunday. Grrr. Why o why? I have been a good student diba?

***

This poem written by Rebecca Añonuevo will further articulate everything that I can no longer explain with my own words.

Buo

by Rebecca Anonuevo


Nais kong wakasan
nang banayad ang lahat.

Walang pamimighati,
walang panghihinayang.

Walang pagsisisi,
hindi magpapahabag.

Hindi mo mahuhulaan
na nagsara na ako ng tarangkahan.

Hindi mo maririnig ang ingit
ng bakal sa kadiliman.

Walang magpapalahaw
ng mga aso sa looban.

Ang mga dahon ng bayabas
ay huhugasan ng bahagyang ulan.

Isang kudlit ng buwan
ang ititira sa kalangitan.

Maaliwalas na hangin
ang magdurugtong sa buhay.

Isang piraso ng puso
ang sasambit ng dasal.

Aahon itong pag-ibig
nang marangal at matapang.

Wala ni tilamsik
ng burak ng iyong kalupitan.

I'm still hiding the pain behind these smiles. It still hurts. It's not easy to move on. Now I know. Grabe, di pa ko nagkakaboyfriend ng lagay na to ah. What more if we became a couple? (which is next to impossible because of his commitments in his so called life). I might end up in tears every night -which is so vague because I told myself I would never cry on such mindless matters. WRONG! Maybe it's still not yet time. But I do I like him. If only he knew. Oh well, that's life. For the past few days, I always found myself staring blankly in space. It's as if I'm in another realm and Me Ann and John would always bring me back to reality. I hate thinking too much. My brain and my heart suffers badly. I just wish... everything will end well.

How My Heart Behaves
Feist

What grew
What grew
What grew and inside who
First so simple was the vow
Then the chorus sang about
Your shoulder
The mooring for me like water
lost in the sea

The cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
When given a shake

I’m a stem now
Pushing the drought aside
Opening up
Fanning my yellow eye
On the ferry
That’s making the waves wave
Illumination
This is how my heart behaves

The cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
when given a shake

(How her heart behaves)
The rain the rain making me cry
(How her heart behaves)
Then the wind comes
Fanning my yellow eye
(How her heart behaves)
The waves wave the waves wave
(How her heart behaves)
This is how my heart behaves

A cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
When given a shake
The cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
When given a shake

What grew
What grew
What grew and inside who

I've realized things today. Things that I should have known from the very start.

First of all, I hate CWTS. Haha. Who would want to go to school on a Sunday wearing your college uniforms? Plus the fact that you'll be taking the test in less than 30 minutes but the truth is you can answer it in less than 10 minutes. Mas mahaba pa yung nilakbay ko papuntang school. At habang naglalakbay ako, sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko.

Second realization...

Maybe I'm not cut out for this? Or maybe, I was just destined to be with myself and no one else. At first, of course, it wasn't okay. I was trying so hard to hide all my emotions so that it won't show to my face. All throughout the journey I was faking the smiles and all the "okays" that I said. But deep inside, it was painful. It was painful enough that if ever, I'll be the dozenth but the worst is yet to come.

Why can't people just be honest about themselves? I asked politely didn't I? Where did I go wrong? I felt betrayed and used. All I'm asking is for people to be true to me, nang sa ganon di ako umaasa. I know I don't have any stand - because I am no one in particular to be that important. I also told myself that I won't cry over this but I did. I guess emotions are not meant to be hidden.

Why should confessions of negative and positive vibes be simultaneous? I would rather much prefer that the negative should be kept to oneself and then confess later, para naman di ganon kasakit pag pinagtapat mo na diba? At least, when it all comes to that point, it's not that hard to let go or even get over it. Mali talaga eh.

I feel that I should cry more, but I can't. I'm just so devastated with the revelation that for the first time, I can't think straight. Where is the Meng that I used to know? I use to know what to do next but right now I can't seem to find the solution to cover this emotion. I guess I'm just good at it when it comes to solving or giving advice to other people's lives and not so good with mine.

Why do I always have to be caught up in this situation? When will my turn come? I just wish people will learn to settle all their commitments before getting into a new one. Because somebody is definitely going to experience an enormous amount of pain and unfortunately, that lucky and yet ever-so-goodlooking person is me. But I'm okay now. Sana lang. This day will go down in my history book (if ever one day I decide to write about my life).

Finally it came to me - there are far more important things in LIFE. This face is way too beautiful to be filled with sadness and tears. Thanks to my friends - Me Ann (my absorber, who also cried when I cried) and John, who gave me comfort and a manly point of view. Good thing that I was with them. My devastated day became a laughtrip and adventure day.

I was so preoccupied with telling my sad and unlucky story to them in John's car when we suddenly realized that we are now going towards Quiapo and not Quezon Ave. I think John was distracted with our stories that little did he know that we were on our way to Quiapo church and fast approaching the SM Manila. We decided to just head that way and luckily, we got our way out of it by making a U Turn infront of the Nat'l Musuem and Manila Bulletin. Then, we were like, where the hell are we going... ugghh the bridge that we just passed by is on the other side. We were yelling like.. NOOOOO! We also passed by Escolta and finally move out along Avenida. Luckily, the advantage of studying in a Recto-based school during highschool (San Sebastian) was really handy. So I knew a little about Recto. We were so thrilled to see the YellowCab in Morayta - that we shouted for joy "Yes, makakauwi na tayo!" Hahaha.

Ironically, I love this day. Probably this will be one of those days wherein when I look back, there's something more to remember than just those stupid tears. I will remember the laughter that Me, Me Ann & John shared when we got lost in the portals of Manila and laughing and nail bitting all throughout the ride. Plus the fact that Me Ann gave me way out of this world advice... I was so touch that I told her "I need a moment." Haha. I feel so blessed still. But I still am bitter =) Haha. But what the heck, time is all I need. I'll get over. I promise. :)

Cheaper by the dozen?

No, this is not a movie review about that film. Life is just unfair.

If ever, I'll be the dozenth. (Is there a term dozenth?)
Anyway, whatever, 12th?

No way! I'm glad I figured it out before I end up being stupid.

I'm happy.

I am super happy.

Blooming?
Sabi nila John at Me Ann oo daw. Di naman. Haha.

It's so nice be this way, but I still have other things in mind. I'll keep it this way. Enjoy the moment. Savor the smiles and the goosebumps. Nyak.

Oh yeah. Photos galore! Here are some of the captured moments when our professor in Marketing left us with mind-boggling Marketing Case Study. Argh! At first we can't figure our way out that case study. So we went crazy... Good for us, we got a perfect score! Woohoo!

Should I be inspired or not? I don't want to expect... as I've said before, Expectations should never be the basis of anything (and I was quoted with this satement! Haha. I feel like a true writer.)

I know that right now, at this very moment, I should be reading Marketing Principles for our Unit Test tomorrow, but I can't start reading without letting out my feelings. Aba may ganon? I know emotions are temporary. I'm always like this. Lagi namang panandalian ang mga bagay. Mabilis ako magsawa. I've always thought that things come and go. I don't want to get used that I am always checked up and feel that someone is always there :) I hate the feeling that it's already so hard to let go of that feeling and then I end up sad and in pity for myself that I should taken that chance. But I think its also healthy to be inspired, don't you think? So as not to make our lives miserable and dull, at times we need to find ways to make it colorful and alive!

Alam ko pansamantala lang to,
Sa dinami-dami ba naman ng mga taong dumaan sa buhay ko,
Alam ko naman hindi sa lahat ng oras
Pagbibigyan ako ng pagkakataon.
Sino ba ako para daigin ang batas?
Sana lang huwag to maging seryoso,
Kasi pag seryoso na,
Nagiging komplikado.
Ewan ko din.
Kung magsalita ako,
kala mo kung sinong magaling,
Kala mo kung sinong bihasa.
Pero ang totoo wala pa akong kaalam-alam,
Ni minsan nga di pa ko pumasok sa ganong sitwasyon.
Nakakatakot kasi.
Baka kasi sa huli,
Magmukha lang akong tanga,
O di kaya naman masabi ko lang sa sarili ko:
"Sayang. Bakit ko pa pinalampas?"
Pero ewan ko pa rin.
Magulo eh.
Ang tao kasi walang kasiguraduhan,
Laging naghahangad ng mas hihigit pa sa ibinigay sa kanya.
Isa na ko dun sa mga taong yun,
Nag-aabang, nag-aasam.
Haay nako, EWAN.
Corny.

This is not a poem or anything. I just can't express everything in English. Iba pa rin kapag native tongue ang ginamit! Oh well, that's life. We cannot know everything that's going to happen. Only God knows. Wow epekto ba to ng bangs? Haha. I sure hope not.

Got my bangs again. Just like High School Days... How I miss it. I look young again! Haha =)

I knew it! Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix ain't that good as compared to Transformers. But watching it was worth it because: a.) I get to enjoy movies- 3 straight weeks of watching great movies, not bad eh? b.) The cinema of The Block was so cool - as in literally cool. While watching it I was curling like a baby on my seat. It's such a good thing that I brought my jacket with me and take note: we were on our uniforms. Imagine the excruciating coldness I felt for wearing a skirt for more than 2 hours inside the cinema. c.) I get to blab and make side comments during the film since only a few of us were watching at that time. School's out at 11am so the glory of having the cinemas all by yourself during the mid day is very rewarding.

Harry is super hot. As in sizzling hot. Haha. He's even hotter than Miko! C'mon. I didn't even think that there would be someone hotter than him not until the Order of the Phoenix came along. Sigh... speaking of Miko, I didn't see him for one whole week and I don't know why. It seems that fate doesn't want our eyes to meet. Yuck ang corny ko. Is this the result of having a friend whose cornier than the corniest and mushiest person on Earth? Haha. No offense John ol' friend of mine. You're not the only one. You got Lou by your side. Whose cornier than you. Haha.

Special Announcement: I would like to Congratulate John, my friend, for overcoming the singleness stage. I am happy for you and your Jelly a.k.a Apocalypse. Haha. So you've left me and Me Ann with still a single life. Don't worry guys, I'll be single for the next 5 years. Haha. OA! Not really. I'm still waiting for the right guy to come. Wooshoo. Gumaganon pa. Haha!Nice one John. We are happy for you PKB! Haha. Two thumbs up. One from me and one from Me Ann.

***

It felt great to see someone put a smile on their face when you know that that person's smile is because of you. It's because you did something nice to him or her. That was my feeling yesterday when we bought lunch for a Lola whose selling abanikos along Lacson. She used to sell abanikos in Dapitan but I guess nobody's buying there and almost everyone was just ignoring her. I used to be one of the students who always ignored her. I used to NOT care at all. I thank Me Ann for getting me into this. She as so eager to give a little something to that Lola. At least before we enjoyed and spend our money for our own good, we made someone smile and feel that someone still cares for her. Too bad that we weren't able to get her name. But there would be more days to come. =)

By the way, I've recently bumped in, well not actually bumped, (it was more of riding the same vehicle going to UST slash synonymous to bumping-kind-of-thing) to one of my former classmates in Volleyball last semester. We got the chance to talk a little bit. Chat. Breakfast at Mcdo inside school and now updated with each other's lives. It doesn't mean anything. I find him soo nice and full of ideas - being the Advertising student that he is. I didn't think that his head would be very philosophical and logical. It proves that I still have failed to look deeply into a person's being. Haha. CFAD people - always begging to differ.

Oh Yeah, these are some photos taken yesterday early morning when we had no Computer class. I Love USTE! Haha. The freakishly life size UST with us. Super enjoy!

Weird feeling. It feels that I have tons of things waiting to be done yet when I'm at school, I'm not doing anything. It sucks.

EK trip on Friday is postponed for next week since number one, it's closed during the weekdays and number 2, the people who are coming are not that sure yet. So what better way to go to EK than to go next Saturday! Haha. I am looking forward to that 'field trip' with my block mates. Well, not all of us will go and join the fun but at least, some of us will.

Report on Hinduism tomorrow. Good Luck if I can catch up on Asian Civ. Every thing's a blur. I can't seem to find where we are going on our discussion. I prefer Sir Dalangin's corny jokes. Haha. Miss that guy! IDOL! *We are very very backward ehh we need to catch up with the other sections.* Haay...those were the freshmen days.

Instead of studying for a test on Marketing tomorrow, I chose to give my blog new look. I had so many options on my background from Pixel Art. But I gave up and instead, I made my own background and I'm proud of it even though it's not that much pretty or anything. As long as it's made from the heart and from my hard work, what the heck. =) I'm so worn out today. I watched Transformers for the second time and I almost became the spoiler inside the cinema. Watching it for the second time still gave me the shock and the laughs.

Woohoo. Basketball again tomorrow. Sana umulan para dun kame sa gym! :)

Trasformers rock! It's way better than Spider Man or Superman combined! I was super amazed with the effects. *Hands Down to Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay* for doing such great job with the effects and never letting any boring scenario. It was fun watching it with Me Ann and John again at Galleria. We went straight there after school ended at 11 am yesterday. It is just then we realized the essence of our schedule. I thought there's no bright side on our sched but now it finally has one! Haha. I'm so thrilled yesterday and all throughout the movie, my eyes were wide open and in shock of what's happening every single minute.

After the movie, we had our merienda at Razon's and enjoyed the pleasure of eating their world renowned Halo-Halo which Me Ann did not quite enjoy till the end due to unexpected appearance of an unknown bug near at the bottom. Haha. I was so eager to complain about it and maybe get puto or sylvanas in return for their bug infested halo halo but Me Ann refused to bear the embarrassment I might cause. I wasn't able to complain about it because she gave me the grip from hell, which was so tight that after that I felt my arm getting numb. Haha. So much for my free puto. =(

Super enjoyed that movie and I'm going watch it again tomorrow. Yey! I'm going to watch it again with my nephews to keep them from bugging me every single minute on what happened in the movie. Sheesh!

I thought it was over. Feelings were gone. But I'm not quite sure why I can't get over it. Would you believe that after a year of crushing on someone, it's just then that I learned his full name? This is so not like me. I'm pretty sure that it's not obsession or anything near it, why o why? Siya na nga kaya?! I haven't told anyone yet, maybe because they wouldn't understand. This is something that I would like to keep to myself or maybe yet, just write about it and never talk about it.

Erase erase.

I saw him today. Again. As usual. He's alone. No more corona. Haha!

I'll talk about school. Last Tuesday we had a very great test on Filipino. Very great indeed. Haha. It's as if you took a mind-boggling college entrance exam. Right minus wrong! Haha. But atleast, I did pretty well on that test. Hehe. The reading-the-articles-and-reviewing-while-listening-to-Fergie really paid off.

Nothing much happened. We just had another one of the ultimate meriendas turned into lunch. It's been a while since we had one of those. We use to have it during the CA time of Ma'am Tuble last semester since our schedule is in the afternoon til 7 in the evening. The yesterday ultimate merienda-slash-lunch was the repeat. We plan to watch Transformers on Friday at Galleria after school. I do hope nothing will get in the way. Hehe. First time to watch a movie in uniform! This is a new adventure...

It was getting annoyed again with the 'her'. Can't she be anymore sensitive and annoying and miss butt in? Little did she know that everyone is annoyed at her. I just wish, she knew that. Actually, I think she knows, but she's just hesitant to admit to herself that she's like that. Get the picture? It really bugs me. Anyway, I do hope she changes. Just don't get in my way or I'll be frank with her. Haha. So mean..

I AM IN AWE! Details soon.